My wife use to read a great deal of romance novels, both modern and classical
literature. The therapist suggested that she not only read these novels but that
Kathleen and I shared the experience by reading them to each other-out loud.At first, I resisted this idea. I had a fear of public speaking due to an
embarrassing childhood occurrence, where Mexican food turned on me. So,
the idea of reading to my wife met with some intense groans. But as I
mentioned, I was grasping at any solution; no matter how painful or ridiculous, I
was going to try.
Our first novel was Saving Grace by Julie Garwood. It was an excellent choice.
This novel dealt with issues that mirrored my
marriage. The main male character, MacBain, found it difficult to express his
love for his wife. Openly he protected her,
provided for her, silently he loved and cherished her. MacBain was I, assuming
my reticence between these pages. For the first
time, through the character, my wife peered into my soul, and could see me, a
glimpse of me more apparent and tangible than I could ever articulate. Using
Garwood's dialogue, words that I wanted to express and Kathleen longed to hear,
was now uttered.
And Kathleen also was here. Similarly, MacBain's over protecting love
restricted his wife, Johanna, the heroine.
Like Johanna, my wife was rebelling against a limiting image. She desired a full
life. And whether I approved or
not, Kathleen was going to have it. It did not take me long to concede this
fact. After searching myself, I admitted
that this strong, dynamic woman was the woman I ultimately wanted and loved. The
heroine Johanna and her
husband MacBain were aids, encouraging me to address my own selfishness and
fears.
It would be wrong to allow you to assume that reading a simple novel solved all
our problems. We endured some
hard struggles and spent many nights in heated arguments. However, the novel did
provide a focus and direction
for most of our discussions. Issues of fear, self-fulfillment and a spouse's
responsibilities in a marriage were
packaged in a tolerable and enjoyable format. The added elements of passion
romance and the occasional sex
were also helpful, by teaching me how to seduce my wife again.
It has been two years since our first shared reading. We have read books and
novels, mostly modern romances
but some classical literature and even poetry. We have worked hard for our new
happiness and our inevitable
changes. Kathleen is now an editor of a local paper, while I spend weekends
doing errands and shuffling our
children to activities. On late nights, Kathleen and I read and enjoy tea by a
fire or soft lights, within a rose and
vanilla scented room. During these special private hours, we examine our ideas,
concerns and dreams. Although
we may disagree, I am never disappointed by the insights we share. And I am
always happy that we ended up
here.
